Lets Talk about some myths around sex
Over generations we have developed many
myths about sex and many of them take our sense of joy and enjoyment away from
our sexual experience. We get wound up in our thoughts, which takes away from
feeling, relaxing and being present in the moment.
I wanted to share with you a few myths
presented in a book called The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand.
1. The only purpose for sex is procreation.
While sex is necessary for procreation, if it was the only reason we needed to
have it, why bother having it outside of this reason? Surely there has to be
other reasons beyond procreation for having sex. This notion of sex being only
for procreation can create a sense of guilt and shame in some people. It can take
away the pleasure of discovering our sexual nature and orgasmic bliss. Sex can
be a vehicle through which we express our creativity, freedom, love and can
open doors for deeper self discovery and even spiritual connection.
If
we were more deeply connected to ourselves we would engage in better
relationships and behaviours. If we don’t respect ourselves we may act in ways
that are not aligned with our true self and can lead to suffering. On the flip
side, when we approach sex in a healthy connected way it can lead to beautiful
experiences and personal growth. Of course this must be done in a safe place
not just physically but emotionally as well.
If I understood the author correctly, the
idea of one being judged and shamed for sexual curiousity and desire can lead
people to explore their sexual desires in dangerous and hidden ways so others
don’t find out. This comes with all sorts of risks. If we viewed sex
differently as a normal part of the human experience people would feel safe and
open to exploring their sexual nature.
3. When
Making Love, there is a “right” way. Many people fall victim to expert opinions
on the right way to make love. How many of us have picked up a magazine with
the headline reading, “The 10 best ways to make her orgasm, “ or “learn the 5
ways to please your man.” Although the advice might give you some ideas,
certainly what is written may also not be right for you. This would also apply
to pornography. Just because you see something in pornography doesn’t mean that
is what making love looks like in reality. Pornography often times is aggrandized
to be over stimulating but that is not a typical representation of what sex
looks like.
What is right, is when you can connect with
yourself to know what you like and share a safe space with your partner to explore
what he/she likes. When you approach from a place of curiousity and not
expectation then the possibilities are open for discovery and true connection
with your partner.
4. Sex is only an experience reserved for the
genitals. When it comes to pleasure and orgasm in sex, it is narrow to think that
the only parts of the body that can provide pleasure are the genitals. There
are many different parts of the body that are sensual, pleasurable and erotic.
Be open to exploring other areas of the body to find your sexual zones.
5. The only meaningful act during sex is
intercourse. The idea of foreplay is seen as a means/preparation for intercourse
and/or that its unhealthy to enjoy foreplay. There is more to sex than just a
couple minutes of thrusting that ends abruptly. Sexual pleasure can be much
deeper and wider ranging, such as kissing, touching, caressing and other forms
of foreplay that are just as important to the sexual experience and sexual
fulfillment.
6. The quality of your sexual experience
depends on your partner. How many of you have thought, “if I could just find a
man/woman that knows what they are doing...then sex would be great.” This type
of thinking can close us down from self exploration, exploring with our partner
and can put a lot of expectation and pressure on the other person. If you want
orgasmic bliss it is up to you to take actions to foster these goals for yourself.
These actions might include, self
exploration of what you like, talking with your partner to create a safe
environment for exploration, telling your partner what you like and how you
like it, seeking advice from a sex therapist or coach, reading books if you are
unsure or looking for ideas. The possibilities to access information are endless.
Margo Anand’s book is a synthesis of
decades of research and exploration of various cultures to bring you
suggestions for deeper connection and attaining orgasmic bliss. Check out her
books.
The Pelvic Health Lady
Very Informative and useful... Keep it up the great work. Daily Health Care Tips
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