Many women who experience painful
intercourse or are scared to engage in intercourse (due to fear of pain or
injury) may find benefit from practicing small rituals. These rituals are meant
to create a safe environment not just physically but mentally and emotionally.
The suggestions in this blog can also be for women whom are practicing
therapeutic techniques with dilators.
Our pelvic floor muscles and the
pelvic region in general are highly protective. So for women whom are trying to
overcome pain with sexual intimacy may benefit from taking extra time to set
the intention for the practice.
It is through new routines and
mindset that we can begin to develop new emotional concepts around sexual
activities. Our subconscious may have built in negative emotional concepts that
need re-wiring. Only through practice can we begin to impact neuroplasticity,
which simply means the ability for the brain to change which can impact how our
body reacts.
So I will describe a couple
examples of some rituals but by no means do you have to do it exactly this way.
You might want to start with these instructions and then I encourage you try
your own ritual of what works best to set the right tone for you. You can also
choose to include your partner or perhaps this might be something you do on
your own for yourself.
Ritual One:
Set aside enough time to tidy your
room. De-clutter, change your sheets, make the bed nicely and perhaps add some
flowers. If you wish you may want to add candles or incense or essential oils
to create a visually appealing as well as a pleasant olfactory (smell)
environment. Some of you may want to perhaps smudge the room with sage if you
are familiar with this practice.
Then walk around the room
counterclockwise 3 times visualizing and verbally asking for any negative
energy to be removed. Then walk around the room clockwise 3 times visualizing
and verbally saying I welcome positive and healing energies into this room.
So you could do this before dilator
work or before sex with your partner. Set your intention for the type of
experience YOU want. What do you want to feel? What do you want to experience?
Don’t think of it in negative terms for example I want sex to not hurt.
Although that may be the ultimate goal, perhaps an alternative intent could be
something like this, I want to feel the pleasure of intimacy or I want to feel
the safety in my partner’s touch. Another example could be: I want to feel my
body in a relaxed state during my dilator work.
We are changing the context from
what we don’t want to feel, to what we do want to feel. This will take
practice, but get the mind and emotions working toward what you DO want rather
than focusing on what you don’t want. It is absolutely helpful working with a
sexologist and or sex therapist if there is past sexual trauma or fear of sex.
Ritual 2:
Pick a room, whether it is your
bedroom or another room that you are interested in transforming into a sacred
and special space. Clean up the room, remove dust and dirt, and remove
unnecessary furniture, trinkets and ornaments.
You may then want to decorate the
room with certain fabrics, paintings or photographs that give you a mystical, romantic
or aesthetic feeling. Your room doesn’t have to stay decorated like this forever,
it could just be decorated like this for you sexual practices.
Be creative, use colours that
energize you, colours that make you feel safe, happy, blissful. If you don’t
know what those colours are then set aside some time to explore your emotions
with various colours. Look at different colours and get really curious as to
how your body responds, what you feel and think as you look at this colour.
Place cushions or pillows on the
bed or in the room. Really have fun, like creating your grown up fort where you
are going to play. Make the space cheerful, fun and safe.
This will help you set the intent
for your practice and will help you set your emotions. By setting your emotions
and developing new emotional categories for your sexual practice you can slowly
begin to change how your body reacts into a more controlled environment,
opening you up to experiencing new pleasures. This is about changing
perceptions. This is a practice that takes time for the subconscious to pick up
as well, so you cannot expect after practicing once that all fears will be
gone.
Make a dedication to yourself to
create and change your perceptions of sexual intimacy. Be curious, have fun, be
open to your experience for what it is in the moment, stay present and stay
non-judgmental towards yourself. Approach with loving kindness whatever your
experience may be.
Hope this provides you starting
points to open up your experience.
The Pelvic Health Lady
WE ARE LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK REGARDING PAINFUL SEXUAL EXPERIENCES. TOTALLY ANONYMOUS. PLEASE CONSIDER OUR SURVEY www.ecophysio.com/survey
WE ARE LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK REGARDING PAINFUL SEXUAL EXPERIENCES. TOTALLY ANONYMOUS. PLEASE CONSIDER OUR SURVEY www.ecophysio.com/survey
Reference: Anand, Margo. The Art of
Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers. 1989.
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